Posted in Dating?, Single Life

If it’s not you, it’s clearly me.

That apprehensive feeling before a first date is great; it’s what stops you from wearing the wrong thing or saying something stupid.  And if it doesn’t become full-blown terror, things tend to pan out well.

Nearly two weeks ago I had the best date I’ve had in ages.

I know this because I felt extremely chuffed walking home (that evening – alone!) and because he texted me as soon as I walked through the door saying what a great date it had been and he hoped to see me soon.

So, abiding by my new-found-mantra of don’t be keen, I waited for a text.  He seemed keen on Thursday night, so why wouldn’t he text?!

Friday night came and went – fair enough, it’s been a day.

Saturday came and went; okay, maybe you’re busy.

Sunday evening approached. Surely you’ll be watching shitty Sunday TV and drop me a line.

Thursday.

It’s been a week.  Hello?  Anything?

Friday afternoon: I’ve had a manic week, maybe you need a causal prompt.  Blah blah blah, ‘are you about this weekend?’

Saturday afternoon.  It’s not looking good.

By Sunday evening, I’ve thrown in the towel; number deleted.  What a bugger.

I’m wondering what on Earth could have happened?

  • Was he a bit pissed and regretted the ‘great date’ text?
  • Did he have another date soon after and she was more his type?
  • Do I totally cock-up dates?

Whichever way, single life looks set to last…

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Posted in Friends, Future

10 years vs. 5 minutes

It’s Sunday night; the end of a long, crazy weekend and Monday morning is looming. After doing all the work you meant to do over the weekend, you’re about to have a chilled evening of catch-up tv.

Then you get a phone call from your best mate, aka your ex. Bottom line is that he can’t be friends with you anymore because a girl thinks it’s weird. This girl has been in his life, online, for 7 days – no, he has not met her. You have been in his life for 10 years…

After lots of shouting and general disbelief, the phone call ends. Whether you’ll see each other in 3 days, 5 months or 2 years is anyone’s guess.

Then comes the grovelling phone call.

I’m so sorry; I didn’t think.

No, he didn’t.

You’re exhausted, he’s crying. You can’t be arsed.

End of phone call and he texts you to say you should meet up for a coffee – it will make him feel better.

24 hours later there’s a let’s be normal, trivial, text. Needless to say, you don’t reply.

Posted in Single Life

Online vs. In-person.

Getting into bed drunk last Saturday night, I found myself wishing I had Tinder again so I could discuss inane topics with total strangers.
But just as quickly as the thought came on, I banished it, thinking how ridiculous this was – there is no way an online conversation replaces actual face-to-face conversation, and it certainly won’t result in an attractive man appearing in my bed next to me.

So I put the phone down, curled over and went to sleep in a boozey-haze.

I wondered why I feel lonely when I drink and it’s because people so often go to drinks parties in pairs – so leaving the party, to get a taxi alone, is no fun at all, and a stark reminder that I am still single.

Posted in Single Life, Starting Something New

Just for Sex: Compliment or Insult?

When did people stop exchanging numbers after sleeping together?  If you got on well enough during the evening to then actually have sex (and the sex was good), surely you’d be able to swap numbers.  You saw each other naked – why is it so cringey to ask for their number?  If you do manage to swap numbers, what’s the point in not texting?  Maybe numbers were swapped to avoid an awkward conversation (and therefore ignoring each other is easier), but why not text again to arrange another shag?  And if all you wanted was to keep it as a one-night-thing, then just say it.   I can handle it.  Likewise, don’t pull all those lines about how much you like me; lying your way into bed.  Don’t make me leave thinking you’ll text and we’ll have a whirlwind romance.  I’d rather just know that it was just sex.

 If someone just wants you for sex, is that a compliment or an insult? 

If someone tells you they only want to sleep with you, do you feel smug or sad?  It can be seen in any number of ways for any number of reasons:

  • Maybe he just doesn’t want a girlfriend
  • Maybe he doesn’t want you as a girlfriend (insult to personality)

Either way, it’s a compliment to how you look.

I recently read an article on Cosmopolitan that contains backhanded compliments men give to women. I think something along the lines of, ‘I like sleeping with you, let’s not complicate it’ should be added. There’s the initial compliment of ‘you’re good in bed’, but followed swiftly by the rejection of anything more and the assumption that anything more will be hassle.

I know friends with benefits and no-strings-attached arrangements work, and no two set-ups are the same, but what’s the consensus on the knee-jerk reaction this suggestion creates; do people like keeping sex as sex and nothing more?  I realise it depends, but what do people reckon?

Obviously this is a very one-sided, female opinion – how would a man feel if a women only wanted him for sex?  Maybe I’ll ask around…

Comments welcome.

Posted in Beginning., Dating?, Future, Single Life, Starting Something New

Making Plans

My friend said to me yesterday that the problem with being disappointed when a plan doesn’t work out with someone is that they didn’t know about the plan, and therefore, how can you really have an issue with it falling through?

It’s strange how we live in a time where you can’t be honest about what you’re thinking or how you feel: being keen is the last thing people want in a relationship.  So being gutted when evenings don’t turn out how you wanted them to is redundant; how were they meant to know what’s in your head?  This is especially true when you don’t make it clear what you want, I suppose this is why people flirt – to make intentions apparent without being verbal.

But what about rejection?

It can be daunting putting yourself out there – you may get rejected and then you’re back to square one.  At least with a plan in your head, there can be any number of possible endings, it just depends whether it’s worth the risk.

Watching First Dates on 4OD, one guy mentioned he’s terrified of rejection.  And although I consider myself confident and am more than happy to put myself out there, after the start to the year I’ve had, I’m beginning to give up on making the effort – there’s certainly a threshold to the amount of “no’s” one can hear!  Maybe this bloke has heard one too many…

Have I just created a paradox?  On the one hand, make your intentions clear – if all your plans are locked away in your head, and the other person is clueless to them, then no wonder you’re alone in bed.  But on the other hand being keen hasn’t worked out so far.  I would have thought that as I get older, there are fewer games to be played, but there’s still an expectation that you should wait to text back; seeing those three dots as soon as the message has sent screams: desperate, bored – boring even.  And I’ve found this to be more true the more you like the other person – how on Earth does that even make sense?!

At least in person, there’s immediate feedback – it’s evident if you click or not.  First Dates certainly has merit – people meet for the first time, have a drink, dinner and hopefully scintillating conversation.  If they don’t get on; they’ve wasted an hour or so of their evening, none of the hassle of weeks of texting.

So I’m going to try something new.  Next time I see someone I like, I’ll make it clear – I’ll try not to appear keen or desperate, but I really dislike the 17-year-old attitude to getting to know someone, especially at the age of 23.

Wish me luck…..?