Watching First Dates and reflecting on my own checkered dating past has highlighted an array of guidelines on what to do (and what to avoid) on a first date.
Conversation. Don’t talk about politics, death, marriage and babies, exes or money. End of.
Alcohol. Don’t get really drunk on a first date. This is from personal experience. I was nervous. I got plastered. He was very affectionate and paid for everything (probably thought he’d get a shag out of the date), we went our seperate ways and I went to bed thinking it was a really successful date. How wrong I was. And I blame my weakness for alcohol. Trust me – mistaking ‘Dutch courage’ for getting wankered is a bad, bad plan.
Sex. ‘If you really like them, try not to have sex with them’.
The bill. Always an awkward moment when two people who are trying to impress each other fumble about with their wallets. If it’s decided that the bill should be split, for goodness sake don’t get a calculator out! Try and work it out in your head; faffing about with calculators is demoralising. I once went on a date with a guy who couldn’t work out half of £50 – is it better to admit to having shit mental maths and get out a calculator or to look awkward and hope the other person tells you how much you owe? A friend said ‘I’d be concerned if someone couldn’t work out half a number’.
It’s also deeply uncomfortable when a massive deal is made out of paying the bill. It stunts the conversation and adds an awkward air to the date. And what about not paying service? Yes, we have all been on a budget at some point, but service should be paid. It was painful to watch First Dates when one guy refused to pay the service tip; it made him look stingy and that’s not a fab trait; best avoided on a first date.
Any thoughts, do comment.
A friend of mine recently got dumped. But if you ask me, it was a blessing in disguise.
They had been going out for a few months and they had the odd rocky patch, but overall it was pretty perfect; they loved each other [he said ‘I love you’ first], they were off to Paris before Christmas [his idea], they had discussed the future of their relationship [he was keen to share a flat] – until he wasn’t. And he broke it off. For no good reason.
My friend’s man went from Mr Perfect to Mr Knobhead in one swift move.
With no sound reason for the break-up and a total blockage of technological communication, my friend is left rather in the dark. And frankly, so am I. How and why can someone go from planning romantic trips away with someone to suddenly not wanting to be with that person? As far as she’s aware, there’s no one else (an obvious reason), and their relationship was moving along as usual, so no huge changes. So what happened?
Bugger working that one out. He’s completely not worth it.
And so why is this dickish behaviour a blessing in disguise? Because if he chooses to be an arsehole in the honeymoon phase of a relationship, imagine how much of a total bellend he’d be after 1, 3 or 5 years…!
She’s single again. And not happy about it. But she’s a catch, and can definitely do better than someone who makes plans and can’t keep them.
Sorry for the total silence for a very long time. This is because I found him!
Prince Charming exists! And he spends a lot of time in my bed…
As summer comes to an end and working life resumes, I realise this guy I was going to have a casual, no-strings-attached fling with is anything but a fling.
So here’s an overview of the past two months:
- We met at my party through mutual friends. I was drunk and don’t actually remember meeting him, but I remember a drunken chat with him and his best mate at 7am when I insisted they stay. Even in my inebriated state, I thought better than to sleep with him – smug grin. The party was followed by a hungover Sunday on the sofa.
- A few dates happened over the next week.
- After a week away, I returned feeling really nervous; I didn’t want a repeat of realising I didn’t like him after a few dates! But after coming back from holiday, I had the best week of my life. We had a free house for much of it and spent every moment getting to know each other and falling pretty hard.
- Over the past month, there’s been a few testing moments, but many more fantastic times.
Things are going to get harder as I’ve moved back to Brighton, but I’m not letting go of Prince Charming yet!