Posted in Dating?, Relationships, Single Life

The best sex – it’s what you don’t say.

When speaking with a friend recently, we found “let’s come together!” particularly off-putting.  It’s not always easy to orchestrate, you lose focus and think less about your own orgasm and more about being perfectly in sync that you lose any chance of climaxing.


For me, the best sex isn’t just about confidence, attraction and sexual adeptness, it’s also about being mentally in the moment.  So much of sex is about the build up, the anticipation, the environment and the atmosphere – they all contribute to the experience.  Simply having sex (no matter how amazing) is not enough; I need to be focused on what I’m doing, what they’re doing, the sounds, the touch, the sights in order to be proactive and ensure we both have a good time.  With ex-boyfriends, from the time I decided to call things off I wasn’t mentally invested in our sex life.  I had switched off and found things that had previously turned me on began to piss me off and I was simply responding to his actions until he came.  Obviously, falling out of love or losing interest for someone is undoubtedly going to impact upon how you fuck, but so does indifference to someone on a more short-term basis.  When having sex as a single girl, I’ve found that guys have it hard.  They have to carefully navigate a night of passion and make sure they don’t say (or do!) anything to distract me- otherwise I’ll be back to square one.  Of course I’ll never show it; but I’ll be less engaged and he’ll be putting in more work than I will.

Sometimes, the best tactic a guy can take is to shut the fuck up; otherwise he risks ending the night alone.

Posted in Beginning., Dating?, Relationships, Single Life

Can you be nice and sexy?

This year I’ve learnt that although personality is important, it’s not absolutely crucial and looks are more important than I anticipated.

I’ve been seeing a guy for a few months now and we’ve progressed into boyfriend / girlfriend territory.  According to mutual friends, he had been keen for a while, so we met at social gatherings, went for drinks together and had the odd sleepover.  More recently, he came to visit in Brighton and we’ve spent weekends together.  I thought he was attractive, but with hindsight, I think I found the idea of him more attractive.  Initially, he seemed great:

  • 29 years old
  • has a job and a passion that come together
  • amazing chef
  • gentlemanly
  • kind
  • interesting
  • we have mutual friends

In so many ways, he couldn’t have been more different to my ex (rebound?!], but as the months have gone on, he’s actually rather similar.  He’s been fired from his passionate job and wants ‘a boring office job’ to tide him over.  He also doesn’t seem to have a drive to live an exciting life with long-term goals.  He finds me ‘intimidating’ because I have my shit together.  He also hasn’t achieved much in 29 years.  However, there are key differences: the ex was stunning, he dressed to kill and was very charismatic.  He also recently called to say he’s still in love with me.


Why is it so hard to find a bloke who is:

  1. sexy
  2. kind
  3. driven?

And why am I still asking the same question 3 years later?!

Posted in Single Life

No, I don’t want to see your penis.

“Dick pics” are only acceptable in two situations:

  1. when sent by 18 year old guys, who are naive enough to believe girls like looking at a veiny willy, or

  2. when sent by an established boyfriend and the girlfriend genuinely wants to see that.

It is not acceptable to send a dick pic when you are 23, to someone you barely know.

A few weeks ago, I met a great guy at Wildlife Festival.  We had fun dancing and drinking and we swapped numbers.  Over the next few days he was fun and chatty and we tried to arrange a meet-up (actually, I tried to arrange a meet-up).  He had the standard excuse of needing to go to the gym after work and he’d let me know.

Obviously, we didn’t meet up.  But something else came up instead.

It started with suggestive photos.

It developed into full-frontal penis photos.

When unexpected, an erect penis on your phone screen is quite a shock.

After being bombarded by willies, I chose to delete him.  I cannot deal with someone who thinks the sun shines out of their arsehole…or rather, jap’s eye.