When speaking with a friend recently, we found “let’s come together!” particularly off-putting. It’s not always easy to orchestrate, you lose focus and think less about your own orgasm and more about being perfectly in sync that you lose any chance of climaxing.
For me, the best sex isn’t just about confidence, attraction and sexual adeptness, it’s also about being mentally in the moment. So much of sex is about the build up, the anticipation, the environment and the atmosphere – they all contribute to the experience. Simply having sex (no matter how amazing) is not enough; I need to be focused on what I’m doing, what they’re doing, the sounds, the touch, the sights in order to be proactive and ensure we both have a good time. With ex-boyfriends, from the time I decided to call things off I wasn’t mentally invested in our sex life. I had switched off and found things that had previously turned me on began to piss me off and I was simply responding to his actions until he came. Obviously, falling out of love or losing interest for someone is undoubtedly going to impact upon how you fuck, but so does indifference to someone on a more short-term basis. When having sex as a single girl, I’ve found that guys have it hard. They have to carefully navigate a night of passion and make sure they don’t say (or do!) anything to distract me- otherwise I’ll be back to square one. Of course I’ll never show it; but I’ll be less engaged and he’ll be putting in more work than I will.
Sometimes, the best tactic a guy can take is to shut the fuck up; otherwise he risks ending the night alone.