I really appreciate honesty. Having been in a relationship with a liar, I value honesty far more than I did previously. But I also appreciate allure and want to be with someone other people find attractive, and I’d hope someone I’m dating to want the same out of me. I don’t think I could even contemplate going on a date with someone who says of themselves:
‘I’m a pretty boring, bog-standard bloke, really’
It’s so bland. And I suppose that is exactly the point; it’s evidence of what’s being said. You may be a pretty boring bloke, but can’t you pretend you’ve got something extra to give? I met a guy at a party a few weeks ago, and we were making small talk and getting to know each other. He told me there wasn’t much to know and he’s actually your average bloke. Immediately, I was no longer interested. As my dating CV is filling up, I’m more and more aware of the necessity for people to have an attractive personality as well as be physically attractive. Up until that point, I would have considered a date with him, but what would we talk about if he didn’t think much of himself? Would he have any interests? Fun anecdotes? Good questions? I won’t know anytime soon.
Saying that, I know I’m not the most honest person on a first date.
Over the summer, I went to see Louis CK at Wembley and he made a great observation that people aren’t really themselves when they’re on a first date; people are always trying to be the best possible version of themselves to seem attractive to the potential romantic interest opposite them. I know this to be true in my own dating history; I hide the fact I’m organised to the point of being anal, I hide my secret fetishes, and I try hard to not give away my embarrassingly low humor-threshold. I want the person I’m in a relationship with to know these things about me, but I need to secure relationship-status first and I worry these revelations will seriously hinder this.
Honesty is crucial to the kind of successful, long-term relationship I’m after, but any long-term relationship starts off with a sequel to the first date…