As I walked in the room, my heart sank, I had more reason to believe that men in their 20s are useless. The evening was framed as a chilled Christmas drink at a friend’s house with all his mates. Myself and a girlfriend went along to catch up with people we hadn’t seen in a while and I was looking forward to a festive drink. But walking into the room, all 15 guys were glued to the TV playing xbox, smoking fags, sharing a spliff and drinking beer from cans…ho ho ho. Only my friend and I were making conversation and my fierce Christmas spirit was dwindling quickly.
My faith in men is yet to be restored and I find it deeply depressing that, at 25, I cannot find a grown-up to date.
In dating and relationships, I’m a real advocate of ‘honesty is the best policy’. It’s not fun hearing someone isn’t into you, but at least you know. It’s not fun admitting a relationship has run its course, but at least you aren’t clinging onto false hope. It’s not fun accepting the possibility that you might never find Prince Charming, but at least you can get on with your life rather than idly waiting around. When I was well-and-truly single a few months ago, I really had accepted the fact I might not find someone for a while (at least not on Tinder). It was shitty at first, but it meant I spent more time making plans with friends than sitting on my arse on the sofa, swiping through pictures of random men. Now I’m sort of back together with my ex (shhh, I know…), I’m viewing the relationship from a vantage point; this is Round 2; an opportunity to make a few changes and see what happens. At first, Round 2 seemed to be a winner – we were jumping through hoops and scoring top marks, and when the going got tough, we’d take a step back, press pause then resume at a more convenient time. This seemed to be a fab solution to a temperamental relationship. Everything ran smoothly until he fell harder.
We’re no longer on the same page. I’m continuing to take our relationship day-by-day. He’s thinking very long-term.
I have been honest with him. I said, “You make me happy, and I’m going to keep doing what makes me happy until it doesn’t make me happy anymore.”
He said this seems very short-term and like I’m not planning far ahead. Yep, that’s true and I told him so.
Recently, on a Saturday night, our different stances on future plans blew up. He told me how committed he is and how he wants to spend his with life me, marry me, raise children – the works. I played my trump card; I openly stated that I will not live with, marry, or raise children with someone who is an alcoholic and drug-dependent. Naturally, he didn’t like that comment, but we went on to have a frank discussion about the future and we seem to be back on the same page.