Posted in Future, Single Life

The hook-up culture that is 2017…

Single Millennials have dug themselves a grave.

We’ve created a hook-up culture where, if we’re not willing to participate in a NSA (No-strings-attached) relationship, someone else will.  We can have free sex whenever we want it.  Women have fought, and continue to fight, for the right to be as sexually liberated as men and not be deemed a ‘slut’.  In 2017, if our sex drive is through the roof, we can meet up with a friend or stranger who’ll satisfy us – we don’t need a relationship.  Being such a women, I relish in the availability of sexual partners on offer.

Although the sex we’re having is the same, it plays out differently for men and women.  Men are applauded for wracking up the numbers.  Women are judged and shamed.

Continue reading “The hook-up culture that is 2017…”

Posted in Friends, Single Life

Your expectations

Maybe I gave you the impression I was interested.  Maybe I led you on?

But I don’t think I did.

I’m not sure why you thought I’d come back to you.

You came round with a mate in the evening (let’s do the ‘friends thing‘), but you came empty-handed and drank me out of house and home.

Then you came on to me.  And I said a polite, yet firm, NO.

Then you were pissed off and you left.

Are you still annoyed?

I am.

Posted in Single Life

It’s okay…

It’s okay that:

  • I feel the most empowered when I feel I look hot.
  • praise at work, a fun evening with friends, a caring evening with family is enough to make me feel loved and valued, but it doesn’t empower me.
  • when I drive to work I like seeing who checks me out, whilst simultaneously thinking these guys need to fuck off because I don’t need a man.
  • I treat sex casually – having babies is going to be tricky, I can’t find a boyfriend, so let’s have fun with sex.
  • I don’t care what other people think about me but I’d really like validation that I’m fun, kind and attractive.
  • I deleted a guy’s number because he was rude to me, but I’d also like my next boyfriend to boss me about a little.
  • I strive to be this strong, independent woman I have in my head, but I really just want a boy to cuddle me when I’m sad and tell me, ‘it’s all going to be okay’.
  • whilst I think online dating is a total joke, I still swipe every day.
  • I can be genuinely happy for my friends in happy relationships, but also secretly hate them.
  • I’m 25 and single, because I’m really only 25.
Posted in Single Life

Notice a Fuckboy before it’s too late.

Following on from the gallery text, Mr Threesome was seeming more genuine and I was feeling hopeful.  I was looking forward to our art-y date and was being lulled into a false sense that this guy wanted a girlfriend rather than just a hook-up.  On Thursday afternoon, he messaged to suggest we change plans as Central London would be very busy with Pride going on and how about we go for drinks in the evening or do something on the Sunday..?

At least he didn’t out-right cancel.

I had a better idea: he could come to Brighton for drinks on the beach in the sunshine.

What followed was a series of messages about how he couldn’t be arsed to make the hour-long journey because he works long hours and travels a lot in the week and it’s a bit of an effort for a first date.

I work long hours.  I travel a lot.  And yet you expect me to come to London?

Grovelling text after grovelling text.  I completely ignored him and blocked his number.

 

I’m glad he was honest and I’m relieved I didn’t make the mistake of meeting him, but I’m quite surprised at his candour.  Most guys would cancel last minute or not turn  up, but Mr Threesome admitted he couldn’t be bothered to come to me.

Was he being cunning; expecting me to argue and then hope the date would be cancelled anyway?

Was he being big-headed and expecting me to chase after him just so I could meet this Adonis?

Either way, our date would have been a waste of time.  I’m glad I noticed this early before wasting anymore time on someone who would inevitably be another Fuckboy.

 

Posted in Single Life

2 to 3 to 1 to 2 to 3?

I haven’t given up with Bumble; I’m still being swipe-happy (see 5 ways to get guys to respond on Bumble).  But I’m taking it all with a massive pinch of salt.

The likelihood that I will find my future boyfriend on a dating app is very slim, so I’m having fun using them (the dating apps, not the guys….I think…)  I swiped right on the kind of profile you usually find on Tinder, not Bumble – it was a couple who were interested in a threesome.  The guy began chatting and it turned out he wasn’t interested in a threesome with the other girl anymore because she is ‘really fussy‘; he was actually looking for a girl now.  We exchanged numbers quickly and began messaging.

He was upfront from the start.  He sent over his list of what he’s looking for and it seemed like he wants a friend who’s a girl, who’s almost a girlfriend and definitely a good shag.  Then it seemed that he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend:

Did I want to go round for a day of filthy sex?

Not really – I’m not after a fuck buddy.  I’d prefer a boyfriend.  

Can I tell him exactly what I’m into regarding sex?

Nah – you’re a stranger.

Did I want a threesome this weekend?

Even if I did, that wasn’t possible because I was busy.

What the fuck are you after, mate?!  So are you after fuck buddies, friends with benefits or a girlfriend?

Surprisingly, he said he wants something more serious than just excellent sex.  Then he started with the explicit sex chat again.  I’m all up for a sext, but not if I don’t know the guy.  I told him he has to date me first.  We all know I have jumped into bed with guys too early, so my new rule is to not sleep with guys on the first date (clearly I created this rule after F****** the Fuckboy, and obviously lots of girls already have this rule…)

 

It was no mean feat to draw the conversation back to standard chat rather than sex, sex, sex, but he remained interested for a constant stream of texts over Saturday, despite frequently requesting I go to London.  We made a plan for the Sunday.  To be honest, I was going to cancel anyway; I had no intention of heading to London last minute, especially as I had a chilled weekend planned.

By 3:30, he messaged to say ‘something has come up‘ and he can’t do drinks that day.  Of course this meant I didn’t have to be the one to bail, but in hindsight this meant that his cock had come up, and he had made other plans with other girls to shag (can I give him points for honesty..?)

Since then, we’ve been messaging: he’s been sending text questions, I’ve been asking about his day.  He’s sent pictures of ‘hot’ girls to have a threesome with, I’ve said how pretty she looks.  Amazingly, drinks on Saturday are set to happen and I’ve been very clear I will not have sex with him that night.

However, he does keep texting with suggestions of girls to sleep with together.

Should alarms be ringing?

 

Oh hang on, he’s just messaged suggesting we go to a gallery for a date.

Note to self: DO NOT SHAG HIM.

Things are on the up.

Posted in Single Life

Coupling up.

We’re not all coupling up, so don’t say that we are.  Some of us are working bloody hard to find the right kind of relationship, and I suppose that’s because some of us are more particular about what we’re looking for.  Or we set our sights further afield.  Or we’re aiming higher.  Or because we have the kind of job where you don’t meet young, attractive, driven men.  Or some of us are just having a bad streak.

 

I went away from my last date unsure of his intentions and how he felt about me.  A week later, it seemed promising and another date was looking more likely.

Then he disappeared.  As they all do.

When everyone around you is pairing up, it’s hard to remain optimistic and constantly tell yourself that you just love being single.  And the bullshit couples talk about, ‘God, you’re so lucky that you have no ties.  There’s no dirty boxers / kickers on the floor, you don’t have to check-in with anyone to let them know where you are, and you can snog whoever you like’ is totally undermined when you overhear them saying to other couples that, ‘As much as I’d love to go out with everyone, sometimes I’d prefer to stay at home and chat shit with my best mate [referring to girlfriend] and spend all evening in bed together’.

Yes, I know, and that’s what I’m looking for again.

I’ve  dated different kinds of guys, I’ve had different kinds of dates, I’ve dated guys from dating sites and those I’ve met organically.  I’ve ended the dates in different kinds of ways.  I’ve paid for everything.  I’ve paid for nothing.  I’ve gone dutch.  And although I’ve changed nearly everything external in a bid to find a guy, I haven’t changed who I am or how I present ‘Me’.  Despite ‘Me’ being the constant, this cannot be the problem.

Because if I’m what the problem is, then the future looks bleak.

My dad told me to expect a high rejection rate and try to accept it.  So, I’ll continue to date, be prepared to be ghosted left, right and centre and know that I will couple up again one day.  I will be able to choose a night in with my guy rather than a night on the town.