Posted in Single Life

When ‘no’ doesn’t mean ‘no’.

Sorry for the silence, I’ve been on holiday lots recently.  I went to Ibiza and now I’m writing this sitting on the beach in Rhodes, watching the sun go down.

Ibiza is one of my favourite places in the world, and I absolutely love the nightlife.  What I don’t like, however, is that this is where the letchy men congregate.  

A few years ago, I posted about chat-up lines in Pacha.  Last week I was in the same club with a friend and we had guys groping us and pinching our bums.  Some of them tried it on to dance with us by snaking their hands around our hips.  I hoped a simple, ‘no thank you’ with a smile would have sufficed; sadly it didn’t.  To some guys I had to say ‘no’ three times before they got the message, to others, I was confronted by their mates, asking for an explanation for my rejection.  I wondered if these guys didn’t understand that ‘no’ means ‘no’.  My dad said they did, but they would rather ignore it.

Why is it that some guys cannot take no for an answer?  Why do some men feel entitled to a dance, a snog, a shag with girls?  Why are some men’s egos so inflated that a polite rejection requires a confrontation and a full understanding?
I still don’t understand men.

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Posted in Single Life

A double disappearing act.

I was optimistic.  We had met in real life and I really thought we’d manage to meet up this summer.  But you had plenty of excuses for why you couldn’t do this or that weekend.  And now I haven’t heard from you in a week.

 

You were attractive and confident.  You seduced me and I was sucked in.  You made me believe you were keen for a second date.  You asked what I wanted to do.  I changed my plans to see you.  By early evening, I hadn’t heard from you so I dropped you a text to confirm.  By 8 o’clock – nothing.  By 10 o’clock – still nothing.  The next afternoon – no word.

Guys, if you’re not interested, please, please, PLEASE, just tell us.  We can take it – I can take it.  I am strong and resilient.  

People deserve that other people be honest.  It is not okay to leave someone guessing.  Rather than ghosting me, just tell me you’re not interested.

 

I’m so bored of this shitty behaviour.

Posted in Friends, Single Life

Do I wanna know..?

Do I wanna know, if this feeling flows both ways?

Yes, I do want to know.  It’s killing me not knowing what’s inside your head.  The messages you give off are so conflicting. 

Sad to see you go, was sorta hoping that you’d stay…

We have so much fun when you stay.  Please don’t leave.

I’m sorry to interrupt, it’s just that I’m constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you…

I watch your mouth as you talk, I look at your eyes when you laugh and I remember kissing your lips and I want to do it again and again and again.

I dreamt about you nearly every night this week…

And I wake up and it feels so real.

There’s this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow and I play it on repeat…

So many songs make me think of you – we’ve had so many fun nights together and we always share music.  

I don’t know if you feel the same as I do.

I do now.  Not knowing was exhausting, so I carefully asked you about this girl you’ve started seeing.  It turns out the feeling doesn’t flow both ways, but this hasn’t been crushing like I expected.  The jealousy isn’t of her, it’s of you.  She’s lovely and you’ll have a laugh together.  I’m just annoyed you found a girl so easily whereas I’m here trying every tac under the sun to get a guy.

 

Posted in Single Life

Nah babes

  1. Matched with a guy on bumble
  2. I say hi and he tells me he’s horny
  3. He says we should send sex photos to each other
  4. He gives me his number so I can send him sex videos
  5. I tell him he needs to take me on a date before I send him sex videos
  6. He tells me I need to send sex videos first
  7. Nah babes
  8. He deleted me
  9. Naturally, I didn’t save his number.
Posted in Starting Something New

Can I be optimistic about this one?

We met months ago at a party.  Not through an app, not online, but through mutual friends.  We chatted loads, you had witty things to say, I laughed a lot, my sister found you highly irritating.  But I enjoyed your company.  We spent a lot of the evening snogging.

Staying in London with my sister meant I couldn’t take you home – what a blessing in disguise!  Since that party we have messaged every day, we’ve spoken on the phone a few times and we’ve tried to meet up.  Sadly, we’re both very busy people and it’s been impossible to find a time to go for a drink.  You seem as interested in a date as I do and you’ve said, ‘we’ll definitely find a time this summer to meet’.

God, I hope so.  I don’t want this just to be a texting thing; what a waste of time that would be.

The fact you take 7 hours to reply isn’t helping us formulate a plan.

And I really don’t want to come across as pushy, but I’ll be out of the country soon for the rest of summer, then September will roll around.

We haven’t managed to meet and it’s been 2 months.  Am I being realistic in my optimistic view that we’ll see each other soon?

 

Posted in Single Life

8 ways to be a little ray of sunshine.

  1. Be confident in who you are and what you want from life.  At the age of 25, I’m pretty sure of myself.  I’ve had lots of good times and lots of bad times, each one shaping me into the woman I am today.  When I look in the mirror, I like what I see.  Yes, there are bits of my body and parts of my personality I could work on, but I’m genuinely happy with who I am.  I also have my career on track, and although it might not be something I do forever, I trust that when the time comes I will work out what my next move will be and I believe I’ll make the right decisions.
  2. Choose to have friends who make you happy and who make you believe life is easy.  You won’t manage to be a little ray of sunshine if you are surrounded by little black clouds.
  3. Similarly: clear the clutter: keep the things and people you love the most.  Having a home and workspace I have control over means I’ve been able to clear things that no longer serve a practical or sentimental purpose.  Getting rid of the clutter has helped me to clear my mind and helps me to relax.  Over the past few years, I’ve learnt to be more discerning with the people I call my friends.  There are some people in life who you form a friendship with and then it becomes too much like hard work maintaining that friendship.  Personally, I struggle to stay friends with someone if I feel I’m always making the effort and getting nothing in return.  Likewise for boyfriends; as Caitlin Moran so beautifully put it: “Never love someone who you think you need to mend or who makes you feel like you need to be mended.  There are boys out there who look for shining girls.  They will stand next to you and say quiet things in your ear that only you can hear and that will slowly drain the joy out of your heart.”
  4. Don’t stress about what people think of you.  We could spend our lives worrying about who said what, who might be saying something behind our backs, who’s judging what we wear, who we’re dating and what our jobs are.  What’s the point?  If you’re happy with who you are and what you’re doing, ignore the haters; do as Taylor Swift does and Shake it off.
  5. It’s controversial, but maintain an element of detachedness.  In my dating life, I’m trying to go with the flow more and not stress or plan too much.  By keeping my focus on the present, I can enjoy experiences for their current value.  I’m trying to take things slower, not rush or plan ahead and let things happen naturally – all in a bid to avoid giving off an air of desperation.
  6. Keep doing what you’re doing until it doesn’t make you happy anymore.  If I’m out in the evening and feeling tired or bored, I’ll go home.  If When I’m in a relationship that sucks up all my happiness, I call it quits.  If I decide my career isn’t the right path for me, I’ll change it.
  7. Remain optimistic.  Keep the bigger picture in sight.  Happy times pass, but so, too, do sad times.
  8. Smile all the bloody time.  Keep turning up your smile and your brightness and people will gravitate towards you to feel happy themselves.