Posted in Dating?, Single Life

Mind-reading

How am I meant to know what you are thinking?

How do I know you won’t be like the rest and disappear?

Is there a way I can find this out without scaring you away?

Is there a way I can avoid this sinking feeling that it’s happening again..?

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Posted in Dating?

Have a successful date – avoid these 5 habits.

  1. Bullshit – some guys never text or show interest in you, and then when you do meet up, they say how much they missed you…  `
  2. A 15-minute monologue over dinner – please take a moment outside of your head and realise you are talking about yourself, non-stop.  Please ask me questions and actually listen to what I have to say.
  3. Having poor listening skills – don’t then bring the conversation back to yourself before I’ve even finished my sentence.
  4. No one says what they’re thinking – rather than saying, ‘I like you’, or ‘I want to kiss you’, our generation make vague statements and trail off with ‘I don’t know…’
  5. Grammatical and spelling errors – especially in texts and sexts…I really struggle to get turned on when you’re telling me you ‘can’t hardly wait’ to see me and you want to kiss my bobs.
Posted in Dating?

The wrong guy.

What we had came about so easily.

We met through a friend!

Our first date was fun and chilled (it was novel having a coffee date when all I’ve had is drinking dates).  Being honest, I was going to cancel because I was interested in someone else – but he turned out to be a ghost, just like the rest of them.  Having another guy who had engaged my interest meant I was relaxed and laid back and didn’t need a glass of wine; I didn’t have the pre-date butterflies.  You looked just like my ex, ‘Of course he does!  You have a type – that’s why I set you up with him‘, my friend said on the phone after.  I left our date beaming.  You seemed like a genuinely nice guy.  You ticked a lot of boxes and you were friendly and chatty.  You were nervous, and talked about yourself mainly, but we had common interest in travel and our mutual friend so I was interested in what you had to say.

A few days after our coffee date, we had a pub date, which turned into dinner.  We talked about your new flat purchase (tick), your grown-up job (tick), your impressive degree (tick), your travel plans (tick), your spontaneity (tick) and your ideas of a fun weekend  – they matched mine (so another tick).  You paid for dinner, which was lovely and we enjoyed an after-dinner drink.  The cab home was cute as we played with each other’s fingers and we had a little kiss when we parted ways outside my house.

We messaged every day when I was in Ibiza and we had another coffee date when I touched base in Brighton before jetting off again to Rhodes the next day.

We messaged every day when I was in Rhodes.

There was no agony of waiting for a message from you; you were interested and that was obvious.  I didn’t need to stress about blue ticks or ignored messages.  There was no game playing, if we had our phones in our hands when we received a text, we messaged back, we didn’t need to wait 3 hours.

Then we had another type of date I’ve never had: a cinema date.  Hand holding, leg stroking and cheeky sideways glances meant things were hotting up.  We had hoped to go for dinner after, but at 11pm the kitchens were closing.  ‘Come back to mine..?’, I asked.

In all our dates so far, you mainly spoke about yourself.  You rarely asked questions and you brought the conversation back to you each time I talked about something different.  In all our dates so far, you were sensible, serious and keen to impress.  In all our dates so far, I imaged you’d be crap in bed.  Surely nice guys can’t be good in bed…!

So our first night together took me by surprise.  Wow, you knew what you were doing.  You were all the things I wanted you to be and I went to sleep very happy indeed.

A few days later, we had another dinner date.  I had a stressful day at work and needed to talk it out with you.  You didn’t want to listen – I heard all about your education and upbringing and couldn’t get a word in edge-ways.  During general conversation, you asked, ‘so tell me about you…’ Vague statements like this make it hard to know what to say; it felt like a default statement when you realised you had talked at me for half an hour.

I was starting to feel fed up and like you wanted me with you to indulge in your ego.  Then we had a lovely evening at yours.  You cooked for me, you asked me questions and we engaged in conversation.  We played card games and listened to my favourite music.  You walked me home.  I felt things were looking up and I could genuinely see us developing into boyfriend and girlfriend.

This was short lived.

What I hoped would be a night of comedy and laughs turned out to be a crap date.

I laughed my head off at the comedy show, but didn’t giggle over dinner.

 

Then the sex turned bad.  Really bad.  I was disengaged and put no effort in.  I even told you to stop and get off.  This is not a good sign.

The poor sex, the incessant talking about yourself, the lack of interest in what I had to say…all of this meant my estimation of you was going down hill.  Polly Vernon says you should never indulge a man who doesn’t listen / ask questions and prompt back.  She reckons guys who are self involved are bad in bed.  And you proved her right.

Fortunately, we have ended on good terms – you noticed something was missing too.

What our almost-relationship has taught me is that I am not desperate for a boyfriend.  It is better to be on my own than with the wrong person.  I’m 26 and I don’t want the right guy to go past me whilst I’m spending time with the wrong guy.  Ticking lots of grown-up boxes is nice, but the physical attraction box is crucial.  I’ve also learnt that personality can make up for a lack of physical attraction, but the personality needs to be something special.  Sadly, I didn’t find this guy’s personality anything special.

Posted in Dating?, Friends

The Bar Man

We’ve known each other for ages.  We’ve exchanged flirty messages for months.  We finally met up a few weeks ago; right when I had hit rock bottom with guys and needed to inject some fun back into my life.  The date was so easy, it felt natural and right.  I went in knowing you were a fuck-boy; basically my ex – plus 10 years.  I didn’t feel I was repeating history – it was evident this is who you are from the get-go.  All I needed was a bit of fun.

I had no interest in being in a relationship with you.  This was just going to be dating and hooking up.  Our encounters happened on school nights; with frequent promises to get together at the weekend.  Then you went M. I. A on me.  The promises of a Saturday night were empty.  Turns out, you’re one of those guys who feigns enthusiasm for an evening and then doesn’t show up.

When we did get together again (on a school-night, no less) you asked me what this was for me.  Wow, the novelty and excitement of a guy showing interest!  He’s cool just seeing each other once a week, but would love to see me more if I can fit him in – cute giggles and kisses here.

Then that was it.  No message since.  And as much as this is fine, because I had no interest in seeing you, we’re mates.  And therefore, that makes this not okay.

Posted in Dating?, Single Life

22. A phenomenal Friday night.

The immediate attraction.  The flow of conversation.  The seductive looks.  The flirting.  The cigarette sharing.  The 6 hour build-up.  The energy in the cab home.  The touching.  The kissing.  How weightless you made me feel.  How you grabbed me passionately.  How you picked me up.  How you spoke to me.  How you felt.  What you said.  What you did with your hands, your tongue, your…   How you made me feel.  How we fit together.  How natural falling asleep together felt.

 

And after, how my thighs looked and how my heart felt and how my head spun.  

Posted in Dating?, Single Life

You blew it.

Our date was fun but I came home feeling ambivalent towards you.  I was reluctant to accept a second date, but I thought there could have been some attraction there.  I hoped you wouldn’t spoil it, mainly because you had life experiences , motivation and interesting things to talk about – you ticked a lot of boxes but were yet to tick the ‘I want to kiss you’ box.  Basically, I wasn’t sure if I fancied you.  After our date you were really eager over text; borderline pushy.

Since Monday, you continued to message constantly.  When I said my plans with friends were cancelled, you were keen for me to come over to yours.  And then you were talking about our second date (due to be on Thursday) – lots of comments about how we can ‘snuggle’ and how you miss kissing me…  Excuse me?  We kissed once.  And it wasn’t even a snog.  You were already acting as a boyfriend and it was freaking me out.

When Thursday rolled around, you said I should come to yours.  I told you I didn’t feel comfortable coming to your house.

I was beginning to dread our date; I didn’t want to go and it was looking likely that I may have been in a position where I’d have to say ‘no’ or might accidentally recoil when you touched me.  And that wouldn’t be nice.  For either of us.

So I cancelled.

I am not one for bailing last minute, but it was the best option.  It wouldn’t have been fair on you and it would have been a waste of time for both of us.

What I did learn from this is that I should trust my gut instinct and that attraction is something which is felt instantly.  Although attraction can develop and evolve, a ‘spark’ needs to be there and it can’t be faked or forced.

Posted in Dating?

Please don’t spoil this.

You’re not conventionally attractive.  You’re not my usual type.  But you were keen to meet and drove a distance to meet me.

For the most part you were very charming – and flirty.  Conversation was easy and I instinctively felt comfortable with, and trusted, you.  I couldn’t work out if I fancied you.  I liked your personality and at times I thought I could have leaned in to kiss you – if I wanted to.  Maybe it was the wine..?  But I didn’t lean in.  And you asking ‘for a quick peck’ put me off (and quite frankly irritated me).  After a few glasses of wine for me, and a few pints of non-alcoholic beer for you, you took me for a spin in your very, very nice car.

Again, maybe it was the wine, but the thrill of being driven around, in a nice car, by a guy who fancies me, was exciting and I found myself playing with your fingers as you held my hand.  Like a true gentleman you dropped me home.  I gave you a kiss; not because I overly wanted to, but because I felt obligated to.

 

We’ve been texting a lot since.  It’s been only 24 hours.

To be honest, I’m nervous about how keen you are.  You’re talking of holidays, sleepovers, dates to come.  You want to know what turns me on, and whether I’ll come for a snuggle this evening.

 

I’m trying to make up my mind on you, and I’m open for another date, but you’re beginning to come across as pushy.  I’m a headstrong girl, and I’m willing to say ‘stop’ or ‘no’ to you, but it would be nice if it didn’t get to that – because you seem like a nice guy.  Please don’t spoil this.

 

 

Posted in Dating?, Single Life

2 very different stories…

Version 1:

You match with a guy from Bumble.  You’re chatting for a few days.  You’re unsure on whether to go on the date.

Date: he’s a nice guy, but you don’t feel a spark.  He tries to ask questions about you, but he mainly talks about himself.  He has limited ‘chat’ and no giggles.  You’re working at 110% in a bid to enjoy your evening.

Version 2:

You match with a guy from Bumble.  You’re chatting for a few days.  You’re unsure on whether to go on the date.

After the date, you go home.  But he’s super keen for you to come back out and texts you all evening.  The next day, you tell your friend he’s the ‘hottest most interesting guy ever’.  But that he’s ‘too good to be true’.

Did I mention he used to be a model and is now a trainee-doctor?

 

Suck a dick, my friend.  Suck a dick.

Posted in Dating?, Future, Relationships, Single Life

Let’s not beat around the bush.

In dating and relationships, I’m a real advocate of ‘honesty is the best policy’.  It’s not fun hearing someone isn’t into you, but at least you know.  It’s not fun admitting a relationship has run its course, but at least you aren’t clinging onto false hope.  It’s not fun accepting the possibility that you might never find Prince Charming, but at least you can get on with your life rather than idly waiting around.  When I was well-and-truly single a few months ago, I really had accepted the fact I might not find someone for a while (at least not on Tinder).  It was shitty at first, but it meant I spent more time making plans with friends than sitting on my arse on the sofa, swiping through pictures of random men.  Now I’m sort of back together with my ex (shhh, I know…), I’m viewing the relationship from a vantage point; this is Round 2; an opportunity to make a few changes and see what happens.  At first, Round 2 seemed to be a winner – we were jumping through hoops and scoring top marks, and when the going got tough, we’d take a step back, press pause then resume at a more convenient time.  This seemed to be a fab solution to a temperamental relationship.  Everything ran smoothly until he fell harder.

We’re no longer on the same page.  I’m continuing to take our relationship day-by-day.  He’s thinking very long-term.

have been honest with him.  I said, “You make me happy, and I’m going to keep doing what makes me happy until it doesn’t make me happy anymore.”

He said this seems very short-term and like I’m not planning far ahead.  Yep, that’s true and I told him so.

Recently, on a Saturday night, our different stances on future plans blew up.  He told me how committed he is and how he wants to spend his with life me, marry me, raise children – the works.  I played my trump card; I openly stated that I will not live with, marry, or raise children with someone who is an alcoholic and drug-dependent.  Naturally, he didn’t like that comment, but we went on to have a frank discussion about the future and we seem to be back on the same page.

 

Posted in Dating?, Single Life, Starting Something New

Is this appropriate..?

Last week I was in hospital.

What better way to pass recovery time than on Tinder?  Frequently, I paused to think about how inappropriate it was to be swiping whilst inserted with cannulas, drainage tubes and morphine surging round my body, but then I remembered how bored I was, how crap daytime T.V. is and how my concentration was so weak I was barely able to read a page of my book.

And then one of the guys I was talking to asked me to send him a sexy photo, despite knowing I was in post-op recovery.  I mean, what is more attractive than hair that hasn’t been washed for a week, with tubes, drains and bandages, on a hospital bed, nurses popping in and out asking if you’d ‘managed to pee and poo?’ and wearing a cotton nightie (something you’ve never worn in your life, unless it was tiny and made of lace or silk).

Naturally, I didn’t send a sexy photo.

He seemed put-out.

High on morphine, I promised to send one when I was home.

Why?  Why did I do this?

That’d be the morphine…

Of course I wasn’t going to send the bloke a photo – I didn’t know him, had never met him and he was so intent on receiving a dirty photo that he was becoming off-putting.

When I returned home, he kept commenting about how I had promised to send a photo on my return home.  I asserted my right to say ‘no’ to this stranger.  His response?

‘Why?  Don’t you like your body?’

Excuse me?

Just because I don’t want to send a naked photo to a stranger, does not mean I’m self-conscious of my body.  And I told him so.  ‘I actually really love my body’ [aside from the swelling, bruises and bandages I currently wear].

‘Then why?’

Because I don’t want to send a naked photo to a complete stranger.

 

I’m still surprised at his initial response to me shunning his request.  His idea that I must be shy because I don’t want to flaunt my genitals in his direction is absurd.  It’s because of girls who do, the girls who don’t seem frigid.  And that’s not meant as a criticism to those girls who do.  It’s 2016; we have all our fetishes catered to at the click of a button, we can go on a date with someone after just seeing some online photos and sharing a post-code and sex is all over The Top 40.  I’ve explored both sides of the fence: I’ve been the girl who shags someone after a little dance in a club and sends naked photos to guys I met once (admittedly, I regret this) and I’ve also been the girl who holds out for a guy to wine and dine me a bit first.  Since my last relationship, I’m struggling to pin down a guy.  My mum reckons “it’s because girls are so easy these days.”  Why would a guy settle with one girl, when he can quite easily pick up four or five other girls with a few swipes?

Maybe I need to find an older bloke; someone who doesn’t know what Tinder is.