Posted in Dating?, Friends

The Bar Man

We’ve known each other for ages.  We’ve exchanged flirty messages for months.  We finally met up a few weeks ago; right when I had hit rock bottom with guys and needed to inject some fun back into my life.  The date was so easy, it felt natural and right.  I went in knowing you were a fuck-boy; basically my ex – plus 10 years.  I didn’t feel I was repeating history – it was evident this is who you are from the get-go.  All I needed was a bit of fun.

I had no interest in being in a relationship with you.  This was just going to be dating and hooking up.  Our encounters happened on school nights; with frequent promises to get together at the weekend.  Then you went M. I. A on me.  The promises of a Saturday night were empty.  Turns out, you’re one of those guys who feigns enthusiasm for an evening and then doesn’t show up.

When we did get together again (on a school-night, no less) you asked me what this was for me.  Wow, the novelty and excitement of a guy showing interest!  He’s cool just seeing each other once a week, but would love to see me more if I can fit him in – cute giggles and kisses here.

Then that was it.  No message since.  And as much as this is fine, because I had no interest in seeing you, we’re mates.  And therefore, that makes this not okay.

Posted in Friends, Single Life

Possession.

We’re in our 20’s.  There is no need to sit on top of the guy and snog his face off in the pub.  I was talking to him.  We are friends.  I know you’re seeing him, and shagging him.  And that’s fine.  I did that last year.  It didn’t work out.

You didn’t seem very friendly.  Were you judging me?  Were you threatened?

You don’t need to prove anything.  Yet, equally, you don’t own him.  He’s a grown-up.  He can talk to me and you can still go home with him.

 

Women are clever.

Said my mum.

You’re a pretty girl and she feels intimidated by you.

That may well be the case, Mummy, but it was strange how she snogged his face off in the pub.

Posted in Friends, Relationships, Single Life

A letter to my ex.

Dear You,

The summer was confusing.  I missed you and you confessed you still loved me.

We nearly met up to see if we could rekindle things.  We didn’t meet – thank God.  Being friends wasn’t going to happen, was it?  At least not yet.  Any anyway, I was seeing someone (admittedly I wasn’t as invested as I would have liked to have been), but even if I wasn’t the residual feelings we had would have fucked any glimpse of a platonic relationship.  Then we had our phone call.  That was bad, wasn’t it?  You annoyed me so much.  I know I was in the wrong for inviting then uninviting you, and I get that you laid your heart on the line and then retracted it, because I might have dumped you again.  And you were right.  I was willing to give it another shot, knowing we could break up again if it didn’t quite work out.  Not my kindest hour…

Then we stopped talking again.  Total silence for a few months.  Even when I was in hospital I didn’t hear from you.

That was shit.  It pissed me off and it upset me.

You were with me throughout the year when I was undergoing tests and finding out what was wrong.  Hence why I dropped you a text the other day with the gist of: ‘FYI: I’ve had my op – all fine.  Hope you’re well’.  The messaging back and forth was lovely.  I hated silence; and I got the impression you didn’t like it either.  Our drink on Friday was fun too.  Catching up was a laugh.  Weird, but a laugh.  By 10:00 we called it a night.  Thanks for walking me home.  It was flattering when you called up to see if you could pop in to say ‘hi’ and chill for a little longer.  Sorry I had to say ‘no’ – it really was because my parents would have gone ape.

Then our Wednesday dinner was pretty cool.  You were awkward about me paying, weren’t you?  But I did say I would (and I always paid in our relationship, so it wasn’t anything new).  I know it was weird when we were talking about the guy I like and who I’m also sleeping with, but we were trying to be friends.  And actually, having a male’s opinion was helpful.  P.S. – I’m glad you’re over your dry spell.

Your suggestion of going for a drink after wasn’t your best move – we both knew who’d have to pay.  But, I admit, we had fun again.  Of course we were flirting because we have great chemistry, and – like we said – when our relationship was good it was really fucking good.  There was so much to talk about!  We were the last ones out the bar at closing time!

But I’m still annoyed at you.  I’m annoyed at you again.  Why?  Because we mainly only spoke about you.  Your main topic of interest is yourself.  And because I care about you, and am polite, I ask you questions about you.  How many questions do you think you asked me about me?  Ball park guess: probably around 5 over the course of the whole evening.

I’m glad things are well with you.  I realise that I don’t miss you, I miss the boyfriend experience.  I’m happy to be friends, but you make the effort, yeah?

 

Love,

Me.

Xxx

Posted in Friends, Single Life

Casual Totally Works.

There’s a guy I like.  We get on really well as friends and have loads in common.  We’ve been flirty for a while and a friend said he confided in her that he likes me.  We were out a few weeks ago and ended up in bed together.  It was amazing.

Last weekend we were out in Brighton having a laugh with friends.  He challenged me to go up to a random bloke of his choosing and pretend I knew him.  Fortunately, he chose an attractive bloke and I got chatting.  A friend later said he seemed quite interested (I was oblivious; I was pissed and am not very good at gauging intentions – see entire blog for examples), but she could tell I wasn’t.  However, what became clear was that the guy I like was interested.  Our mates were teasing him about being jealous and joking ‘you’re clearly fucking her’.  It didn’t take long for him to admit it.

The evening continued in a similar vein; we were flirty.  I was trying to play it cool, but also desperately eager to sleep with him.  We all came back to mine and when people had crashed out, it was just me and the guy together.  Music + alcohol + sexual tension = suggestive looks and lots of touching.  I leaned in for a kiss.  He kissed me back.

 

Then he stopped and pulled away.

We shouldn’t.

I said something like, ‘why not?  We both know it was great last time.’

He replied:

I really want to.  I really want to.  But we shouldn’t.

In a bid to play it casual I said it was cool.  Being drunk and horny meant I began texting some other male friends.  One guy called and we had a FaceTime chat upstairs in the bathroom.  Within 5 minutes, my guy came upstairs, took the phone off me and hung up on the other guy.  Then he took my hand and led me upstairs.

 

 

 

Posted in Friends, Future, Relationships, Single Life, Starting Something New

Walk away…

I ended things 4 days after my previous post .  We had a fun weekend planned with lots of socialising, but he was late on Friday evening due to a heavy one the previous night.  I spent the weekend being extra bubbling (it’s rare I have 1 social event at the weekend; let-alone 3!) and he spent the weekend being hungover, on a come-down and generally ill.  Sunday was a sad day with lots of tears.  We took the following week as a ‘break’ to help with the sadness, but as the weekend approached, it was becoming more and more evident it was the right decision.  Also receiving a 100% response rate of, ‘Well done, you did the right thing’ showed me it was for the best.

This weekend we decided to meet.  I wanted to finalise our break and have some closure; I also thought it would be good for him to know where I stood, no matter how heart breaking it was bound to be for him.

 

How wrong I was.

It was tricky seeing him again (he looked irritatingly gorgeous) and John Legend’s ‘All of Me’ came on in the cafe – you really couldn’t make this up!

What I was wrong about was how he responded.  Part of me wished he’d have made promises to change.  I knew I wouldn’t have accepted them, and the text the previous Sunday about how he’d do anything for me was clearly a load of bollocks, but he just accepted the end of the relationship.  It’s just another indication of how he isn’t my Prince Charming.

 

 

Posted in Friends, Relationships, Single Life

Reactions

 

Last night I was at the pub with my boyfriend and two of his male friends.  During conversation, one of the friends mentioned he’d slept with another guy.  My boyfriend and the other friend were completely shocked; this guy was a self-confessed ‘man-whore’ and slept with many, many women.  The guys posed him with tonnes of questions – he was rather coy about it, saying that he didn’t enjoy it; ‘but would you do it again?‘ – ‘sex is sex‘.  I liked his attitude.  As a particularly immature bloke, this seemed strangely mature.  I was also impressed he told us (my boyfriend and the other guy can be a tough audience), but I was shocked at how my boyfriend reacted.  He brought it up a few more times over the next hour, saying how he couldn’t believe it and had a face of general disbelief.

 

The conversation strayed to who’s done what with who, and whether I’d done anything with a girl and the reaction was completely different.  I wonder why guys are more comfortable with girls getting together than guys getting together.  I don’t think it’s a case of straight men being attracted to girls, and so this is a more sexually-acceptable thought, but rather why straight men are more phased by male homosexual encounters; particularly those of friends…

 

 

Posted in Beginning., Friends, Future, Relationships, Single Life, Starting Something New

How to Find the Perfect Partner

Quirk Venn Diagram1

My housemate reckons he has dating sussed.  So here’s his guide to finding the perfect person for you:

  • Use the ‘Quirk Rules of Attraction Venn Diagram’

It comprises of

  1. Sexual Attraction
  2. Physical Attraction
  3. Emotional Attraction

All are equally important, and the best relationships involve all three elements.

  • If you’re physically AND sexually, but not emotionally attracted to someone, this tends to lend itself to great short-term flings / one- or two-night stands.
  • It can be ‘really annoying’ if you’re physically AND emotionally, but not sexually attracted to someone, as you have great conversations with this person, find them absolutely gorgeous, but there’s no sexual chemistry (which most people find important to successful relationships).
  • It can be a tricky situation if you’re emotionally AND sexually, but not physically attracted to someone, because you wouldn’t want to be seen holding hands with or snogging this person, but you desperately want to shag them.

So what to learn from this?

Next time I start dating someone I need to work out if I fancy them AND like their personality AND want to shag them.  If I don’t want all these three things, then the potential relationship is doomed…

Apparently.

Posted in Friends, Future, Single Life

You

I think I miss you.  Then when we chat, I secretly hate you and feel bad about myself.  Then you suggest we meet and I feel crap after I see you.

So the new plan of action is not to text you or call you.  To be aloof.  And when you call, I’ll be busy, and slightly unattainable.  Meeting with you would be stupid, so I won’t do it.
At least that’s the plan.

Posted in Friends, Future

10 years vs. 5 minutes

It’s Sunday night; the end of a long, crazy weekend and Monday morning is looming. After doing all the work you meant to do over the weekend, you’re about to have a chilled evening of catch-up tv.

Then you get a phone call from your best mate, aka your ex. Bottom line is that he can’t be friends with you anymore because a girl thinks it’s weird. This girl has been in his life, online, for 7 days – no, he has not met her. You have been in his life for 10 years…

After lots of shouting and general disbelief, the phone call ends. Whether you’ll see each other in 3 days, 5 months or 2 years is anyone’s guess.

Then comes the grovelling phone call.

I’m so sorry; I didn’t think.

No, he didn’t.

You’re exhausted, he’s crying. You can’t be arsed.

End of phone call and he texts you to say you should meet up for a coffee – it will make him feel better.

24 hours later there’s a let’s be normal, trivial, text. Needless to say, you don’t reply.

Posted in Friends, Single Life

Disappearing Acts…

Sometimes people disappear when they have a new relationship.
Sometimes people disappear even if they’ve been with their partner for a long time.
Other times, people can live in an all-consuming bubble of happiness where their only concern is for the one they love.

This is fine if you’re the one disappearing from the face of the planet and living in a warm and cosy bubble. But not okay if you’re the one being ditched.

    Yet it’s not just people in relationships who disappear.

There have been times I’ve been chatting to guys on Tinder, or whatever, and we’ve been messaging, texting etc (sometimes back and forth constantly all day), and then there is just silence.

FOR NO APPARENT REASON

Really, what is that all about? I’ve looked back over messages to see if I said something wrong, but I can honestly say I didn’t. It’s very, very odd. And it happens more often than I feel it should.

Are people too worried to say they’re no longer interested? Make up any excuse; I’m not so sure that silence is better.

It even happens out and about. You could be at the bar speaking with someone fab, you pop to the loo and come back to an empty bar.

Where are all these people going?
Is there a fun party going on and I’m not invited?

I’m aware I’m single. Let’s not rub it in.