Posted in Single Life, Starting Something New

You.

You disarmed me. 

I wasn’t ready for your suave nature.

I wasn’t me.

I wasn’t not me, but I was a different version of me.

You have an aura about you. 

And it’s drawing me in.

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Posted in Friends, Single Life

Do I wanna know..?

Do I wanna know, if this feeling flows both ways?

Yes, I do want to know.  It’s killing me not knowing what’s inside your head.  The messages you give off are so conflicting. 

Sad to see you go, was sorta hoping that you’d stay…

We have so much fun when you stay.  Please don’t leave.

I’m sorry to interrupt, it’s just that I’m constantly on the cusp of trying to kiss you…

I watch your mouth as you talk, I look at your eyes when you laugh and I remember kissing your lips and I want to do it again and again and again.

I dreamt about you nearly every night this week…

And I wake up and it feels so real.

There’s this tune I found that makes me think of you somehow and I play it on repeat…

So many songs make me think of you – we’ve had so many fun nights together and we always share music.  

I don’t know if you feel the same as I do.

I do now.  Not knowing was exhausting, so I carefully asked you about this girl you’ve started seeing.  It turns out the feeling doesn’t flow both ways, but this hasn’t been crushing like I expected.  The jealousy isn’t of her, it’s of you.  She’s lovely and you’ll have a laugh together.  I’m just annoyed you found a girl so easily whereas I’m here trying every tac under the sun to get a guy.

 

Posted in Single Life

Nah babes

  1. Matched with a guy on bumble
  2. I say hi and he tells me he’s horny
  3. He says we should send sex photos to each other
  4. He gives me his number so I can send him sex videos
  5. I tell him he needs to take me on a date before I send him sex videos
  6. He tells me I need to send sex videos first
  7. Nah babes
  8. He deleted me
  9. Naturally, I didn’t save his number.
Posted in Starting Something New

Can I be optimistic about this one?

We met months ago at a party.  Not through an app, not online, but through mutual friends.  We chatted loads, you had witty things to say, I laughed a lot, my sister found you highly irritating.  But I enjoyed your company.  We spent a lot of the evening snogging.

Staying in London with my sister meant I couldn’t take you home – what a blessing in disguise!  Since that party we have messaged every day, we’ve spoken on the phone a few times and we’ve tried to meet up.  Sadly, we’re both very busy people and it’s been impossible to find a time to go for a drink.  You seem as interested in a date as I do and you’ve said, ‘we’ll definitely find a time this summer to meet’.

God, I hope so.  I don’t want this just to be a texting thing; what a waste of time that would be.

The fact you take 7 hours to reply isn’t helping us formulate a plan.

And I really don’t want to come across as pushy, but I’ll be out of the country soon for the rest of summer, then September will roll around.

We haven’t managed to meet and it’s been 2 months.  Am I being realistic in my optimistic view that we’ll see each other soon?

 

Posted in Single Life

8 ways to be a little ray of sunshine.

  1. Be confident in who you are and what you want from life.  At the age of 25, I’m pretty sure of myself.  I’ve had lots of good times and lots of bad times, each one shaping me into the woman I am today.  When I look in the mirror, I like what I see.  Yes, there are bits of my body and parts of my personality I could work on, but I’m genuinely happy with who I am.  I also have my career on track, and although it might not be something I do forever, I trust that when the time comes I will work out what my next move will be and I believe I’ll make the right decisions.
  2. Choose to have friends who make you happy and who make you believe life is easy.  You won’t manage to be a little ray of sunshine if you are surrounded by little black clouds.
  3. Similarly: clear the clutter: keep the things and people you love the most.  Having a home and workspace I have control over means I’ve been able to clear things that no longer serve a practical or sentimental purpose.  Getting rid of the clutter has helped me to clear my mind and helps me to relax.  Over the past few years, I’ve learnt to be more discerning with the people I call my friends.  There are some people in life who you form a friendship with and then it becomes too much like hard work maintaining that friendship.  Personally, I struggle to stay friends with someone if I feel I’m always making the effort and getting nothing in return.  Likewise for boyfriends; as Caitlin Moran so beautifully put it: “Never love someone who you think you need to mend or who makes you feel like you need to be mended.  There are boys out there who look for shining girls.  They will stand next to you and say quiet things in your ear that only you can hear and that will slowly drain the joy out of your heart.”
  4. Don’t stress about what people think of you.  We could spend our lives worrying about who said what, who might be saying something behind our backs, who’s judging what we wear, who we’re dating and what our jobs are.  What’s the point?  If you’re happy with who you are and what you’re doing, ignore the haters; do as Taylor Swift does and Shake it off.
  5. It’s controversial, but maintain an element of detachedness.  In my dating life, I’m trying to go with the flow more and not stress or plan too much.  By keeping my focus on the present, I can enjoy experiences for their current value.  I’m trying to take things slower, not rush or plan ahead and let things happen naturally – all in a bid to avoid giving off an air of desperation.
  6. Keep doing what you’re doing until it doesn’t make you happy anymore.  If I’m out in the evening and feeling tired or bored, I’ll go home.  If When I’m in a relationship that sucks up all my happiness, I call it quits.  If I decide my career isn’t the right path for me, I’ll change it.
  7. Remain optimistic.  Keep the bigger picture in sight.  Happy times pass, but so, too, do sad times.
  8. Smile all the bloody time.  Keep turning up your smile and your brightness and people will gravitate towards you to feel happy themselves.
Posted in Future, Single Life

The hook-up culture that is 2017…

Single Millennials have dug themselves a grave.

We’ve created a hook-up culture where, if we’re not willing to participate in a NSA (No-strings-attached) relationship, someone else will.  We can have free sex whenever we want it.  Women have fought, and continue to fight, for the right to be as sexually liberated as men and not be deemed a ‘slut’.  In 2017, if our sex drive is through the roof, we can meet up with a friend or stranger who’ll satisfy us – we don’t need a relationship.  Being such a women, I relish in the availability of sexual partners on offer.

Although the sex we’re having is the same, it plays out differently for men and women.  Men are applauded for wracking up the numbers.  Women are judged and shamed.

Continue reading “The hook-up culture that is 2017…”

Posted in Friends, Single Life

Your expectations

Maybe I gave you the impression I was interested.  Maybe I led you on?

But I don’t think I did.

I’m not sure why you thought I’d come back to you.

You came round with a mate in the evening (let’s do the ‘friends thing‘), but you came empty-handed and drank me out of house and home.

Then you came on to me.  And I said a polite, yet firm, NO.

Then you were pissed off and you left.

Are you still annoyed?

I am.

Posted in Single Life

It’s okay…

It’s okay that:

  • I feel the most empowered when I feel I look hot.
  • praise at work, a fun evening with friends, a caring evening with family is enough to make me feel loved and valued, but it doesn’t empower me.
  • when I drive to work I like seeing who checks me out, whilst simultaneously thinking these guys need to fuck off because I don’t need a man.
  • I treat sex casually – having babies is going to be tricky, I can’t find a boyfriend, so let’s have fun with sex.
  • I don’t care what other people think about me but I’d really like validation that I’m fun, kind and attractive.
  • I deleted a guy’s number because he was rude to me, but I’d also like my next boyfriend to boss me about a little.
  • I strive to be this strong, independent woman I have in my head, but I really just want a boy to cuddle me when I’m sad and tell me, ‘it’s all going to be okay’.
  • whilst I think online dating is a total joke, I still swipe every day.
  • I can be genuinely happy for my friends in happy relationships, but also secretly hate them.
  • I’m 25 and single, because I’m really only 25.
Posted in Single Life

Notice a Fuckboy before it’s too late.

Following on from the gallery text, Mr Threesome was seeming more genuine and I was feeling hopeful.  I was looking forward to our art-y date and was being lulled into a false sense that this guy wanted a girlfriend rather than just a hook-up.  On Thursday afternoon, he messaged to suggest we change plans as Central London would be very busy with Pride going on and how about we go for drinks in the evening or do something on the Sunday..?

At least he didn’t out-right cancel.

I had a better idea: he could come to Brighton for drinks on the beach in the sunshine.

What followed was a series of messages about how he couldn’t be arsed to make the hour-long journey because he works long hours and travels a lot in the week and it’s a bit of an effort for a first date.

I work long hours.  I travel a lot.  And yet you expect me to come to London?

Grovelling text after grovelling text.  I completely ignored him and blocked his number.

 

I’m glad he was honest and I’m relieved I didn’t make the mistake of meeting him, but I’m quite surprised at his candour.  Most guys would cancel last minute or not turn  up, but Mr Threesome admitted he couldn’t be bothered to come to me.

Was he being cunning; expecting me to argue and then hope the date would be cancelled anyway?

Was he being big-headed and expecting me to chase after him just so I could meet this Adonis?

Either way, our date would have been a waste of time.  I’m glad I noticed this early before wasting anymore time on someone who would inevitably be another Fuckboy.

 

Posted in Single Life

2 to 3 to 1 to 2 to 3?

I haven’t given up with Bumble; I’m still being swipe-happy (see 5 ways to get guys to respond on Bumble).  But I’m taking it all with a massive pinch of salt.

The likelihood that I will find my future boyfriend on a dating app is very slim, so I’m having fun using them (the dating apps, not the guys….I think…)  I swiped right on the kind of profile you usually find on Tinder, not Bumble – it was a couple who were interested in a threesome.  The guy began chatting and it turned out he wasn’t interested in a threesome with the other girl anymore because she is ‘really fussy‘; he was actually looking for a girl now.  We exchanged numbers quickly and began messaging.

He was upfront from the start.  He sent over his list of what he’s looking for and it seemed like he wants a friend who’s a girl, who’s almost a girlfriend and definitely a good shag.  Then it seemed that he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend:

Did I want to go round for a day of filthy sex?

Not really – I’m not after a fuck buddy.  I’d prefer a boyfriend.  

Can I tell him exactly what I’m into regarding sex?

Nah – you’re a stranger.

Did I want a threesome this weekend?

Even if I did, that wasn’t possible because I was busy.

What the fuck are you after, mate?!  So are you after fuck buddies, friends with benefits or a girlfriend?

Surprisingly, he said he wants something more serious than just excellent sex.  Then he started with the explicit sex chat again.  I’m all up for a sext, but not if I don’t know the guy.  I told him he has to date me first.  We all know I have jumped into bed with guys too early, so my new rule is to not sleep with guys on the first date (clearly I created this rule after F****** the Fuckboy, and obviously lots of girls already have this rule…)

 

It was no mean feat to draw the conversation back to standard chat rather than sex, sex, sex, but he remained interested for a constant stream of texts over Saturday, despite frequently requesting I go to London.  We made a plan for the Sunday.  To be honest, I was going to cancel anyway; I had no intention of heading to London last minute, especially as I had a chilled weekend planned.

By 3:30, he messaged to say ‘something has come up‘ and he can’t do drinks that day.  Of course this meant I didn’t have to be the one to bail, but in hindsight this meant that his cock had come up, and he had made other plans with other girls to shag (can I give him points for honesty..?)

Since then, we’ve been messaging: he’s been sending text questions, I’ve been asking about his day.  He’s sent pictures of ‘hot’ girls to have a threesome with, I’ve said how pretty she looks.  Amazingly, drinks on Saturday are set to happen and I’ve been very clear I will not have sex with him that night.

However, he does keep texting with suggestions of girls to sleep with together.

Should alarms be ringing?

 

Oh hang on, he’s just messaged suggesting we go to a gallery for a date.

Note to self: DO NOT SHAG HIM.

Things are on the up.